So, I consider myself to be very liberal when it comes to sexuality and expressing it whenever I want to. I remember discovering how good my body felt when I did certain things at a young age, but thinking it was unnatural and therefore needed to be hidden from view of the world. If that wasn’t sad enough, I also attended Catholic schools before entering college; and we all know how encouraging they can be.
It wasn’t until my second semester of college when my boyfriend of some years dumped me for new pussy. After that, I became more lost than the show Lost. I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted to become because me was we, and now I am just me again. What I did know was that I seemed to always have an unquenchable thirst for sex and vulgarity. I was always told to act like a young lady! It’s distasteful to say those words! No man wants a butch girl! I decided that I didn’t give a fuck what people thought of me. I wanted to say what I wanted, when I wanted, and do who I wanted, when I wanted.
Slowly, I came to find myself, my real self. Hell yes, I made terrible mistakes and yielded several embarrassments. I fucked a man who told me only after the fact that he was married. I fell for a one-night-stand. I was actually rejected a few times by men who were concerned that a woman asked for fuckery. I was distracted from school, a HUGE no-no in my book. And at one point, I became even more lost than found. But like I said, slowly, and I’m talking turtle speed, I found myself again. I don’t regret a single moment of it. I’m glad I can walk out my front door and strive to get what I want, like earning that A in class and getting some A** from that stud in class. I’m grateful for even knowing what I want from life. And like they say, the turtle wins the race.
I must say that throughout this process of self-discovery, I questioned if I acted so carelessly just because I was hurt by my ex-lover. I admit that partly I was. But I also will admit that I have a love for fast love. And it’s something I would not have discovered sooner, if he didn’t get the fuck out of my life.